But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
