i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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