I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
