Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
