Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
