Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
