i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
