I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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