No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
