I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
