just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
