Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
