I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
