I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
