11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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