You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You are a genius and a whore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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