yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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