I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
