how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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