I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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