i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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