Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
