just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
