yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
