If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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