I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
