And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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