it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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