some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
