There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
