how can u be prego again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
