I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
