Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
