i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
