The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
