I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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