Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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