so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
