this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
