Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Small penises have feelings too.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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