I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
