The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
