You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
