My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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