two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
