I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
