i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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