i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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