Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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