Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
