Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
