This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
