So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
